What’s Wrong Zach?

Growing up I was always a very energetic kid. I always had a smile on my face, full of energy, and generally had a pretty positive outlook on life. I never really had many friend’s but it never really bothered me to be honest. In middle school all my friend’s ditched me cause I wasn’t the funny one anymore I was the annoying one; I also didn’t get any of their jokes. Eventually we hit high school and I finally hit my stride again and make some friends. I couldn’t tell you when but there was a point in my life, I always assumed puberty, but my face has a constant morose expression. I can’t lie when I sit there I do look sad. The bags under my eyes plus my slight frown make me look like I’m on the verge of tears sometimes. The most common question I get asked is “What’s wrong Zach” or “Is everything okay?” I always just tell them yes and it’s just my face and go on about my day. I don’t mind the question it’s completely valid to ask me. Hell even I’d ask me.

I apologize for lying to you in this last paragraph. I felt the need to tell you what I tell people who talk to me all the time. My name is Zach Barber and I am depressed. It all started in middle school when all my friends ditched me in middle school and I was bullied for three years. I never told my parents cause I didn’t want them to worry about me. I started this morose expression in high school cause we hit a point were I couldn’t hide my emotions. I started sleeping problems in 8th grade and thus proceeded to get bags underneath my eyes. I hate my face because it refuses to hide my emotions now. I’ve been struggling with this since the age of around 12 and still struggle with today at the age of 21; and that’s okay.

I’m depressed and that’s okay. We have this social stigma that being sad is bad and happy is good. Sometimes you can’t control how happy or sad you are just cause it doesn’t work that way and for a long time I thought that was wrong. I thought I should hate my body cause I’m awkwardly skinny with a too much hair. The fact my knees cave into each other or that I have a very hard time speaking and trip over my own words. I have a list of things I hate about myself physically and mentally and that’s okay. It’s alright to be sad; talking to someone about it isn’t  a bad thing. People are there to help  and we have plenty of ways to help people.

I know this post doesn’t make any sense and it’s just the ramblings of some kid who doesn’t know where he is going in life; but the over arching message in this post is it’s okay. Yeah I may be sad and struggling in life right now but it’s okay and you’re amazing. You are who you are and if you’re sad that’s okay. It took me a long time to come to terms with this but you can do it. I may feel sad a lot but there are the good days, and it makes the good days feel so much better.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s